 |
Welcome to my reviews for the Great Chinese Buffets of Hampton Roads! I've for many years been a connoisseur of the Chinese Buffet. I believe that, right after gunpowder and the feudal system, the buffet has been China's greatest contribution to American culture, if not mankind.
To give you a little background, my love for the Chinese buffet began while attending college. A China King Buffet opened during my junior (or 4th) year in Indiana. Having been staunch supporters of the China King on Philadelphia St. already, my roommates, Randy, Travis & I branched out to see how much food four dollars would really entitle us to. Plus, Randy had a car and it was a couple miles off campus. No way in hell we were walking home after some well spent time at the Chinese buffet.
When I lived on the Outer Banks, there was a Chinese takeout place on Rt. 158 I used to stop at while hitchhiking to work. There was no buffet, but the food was good and the girl who worked there was cute. She didn't mind when I abused the free-refill policy either.
In Wilmington, I was a regular at the Chinese Buffet on Market Street. I used to make record reps take me there for lunch. They didn't have chopsticks, which I thought was kind of irresponsible, but they sometimes gave me extra fortune cookies.
In the last year-plus, I've frequented a number of Chinese buffets in the Hampton Roads area. There are five or six within ten minutes of my home, so I've decided to review each of them as a public service.
I've rated each buffet on a scale of 1-5 Yao Mings, with five being the highest. I've focused on some of the most important factors in determining a buffet's worthiness. I hope you find my ratings helpful in your next dining quest. If you have a favorite Chinese buffet you'd like to recommend, drop me an email.
Note: After a hiatus from professional eating, coupled with a move back to the motherland, I've decided to revamp, reinvigorate and reinstate the buffet reviews, Pittsburgh-style.
| That Ambiguously-named Chinese Buffet next to Hooters on
Business Rte. 22 in Monroeville Price- $9.99 dinner |
 |
||||
| Ambience | Sushi | Crab Rangoon | Other Food | Waitress | Overall Rtg. |
 3 Yao's |
|
|
|
|
|
| The place has three signs visible, each with a completely different name for the restrurant. Evergreen Chinese Restaurant is the name on the main sign closest the road. There is also a disposable banner directly below it that reads City Buffet, and a third on the building itself that says Super Family Buffet. My initial thought is that, for tax purposes, the building contains three different restaurants, with one of them showing a profit, while the other two serve as tax shelters. Although not accessable from the dining area, the building is physically connected to Hooters - which makes me wonder if it is a subsidiary of parent company Bad Wings & Big Boobies Inc. Clean. | Really good stuff. Separate sushi station with a thin, serious, stressed-out guy wearing a bandana straight out of a Akira Kurosawa film. I was there at a busy time, and he was getting bumrushed by the full brunt of the hungry Parkway East Samaurai. He kept up fairly well, but there was a bit of a lag. Mostly variations of the California roll standard, but with more than just the fake-crableg variety. If you're quick, you can get your hands on a few different raw fishies strapped to a lump of rice. Very tasty- and fresh. | When you see the little index card on the sneeze guard that says Cheese Won Ton, they might as well have taped up a sign that says (in broken English) Sorry, yinz- we ain't springing for imitation crabmeat just to deep fry it for your fat ass. It was decent, but not actually having the zany rangoon leaves an emptiness in my soul, if not my belly. | The buttery mushrooms are something I've taken a serious liking to in recent months. They're mushrooms, and they're buttery. Theirs are both. The General Tso's was especially good- actual decent sized chunks of chicken, almost completely devoid of tendons. I've always thought that the General's concoction was kind of like the Asiatic answer to the redneck's chitlins. (editor's note- each day, i'm more happy i ditched the south. you lost- get over it.) The peppersteak was just peppery enough. Overall, an extravagant fiesta for this roundeye's tastebuds. I should mention, however, that they had pizza on the buffet. How stupid. If I'd eaten one slice, I would've had to beat the phrase Ci-Ci-See ya later out of somebody before I walked out, and nothing good would've come of that. | She was a freaking ninja, and that's not just an ethnically-insensitive joke. I only vaguely recall seeing her, yet my drink never fully emptied and my dirty dishes seemed to dissolve into thin air. I should've looked up at some point. She couldn't have been too cute or too ugly, or that would've stuck with me. Must have been the rare, average-looking Asian girl. I'll let you know if I come across an average-looking redhead next. | Pretty much any nitpicking I just spewed was, just that. This joint is pretty great. The place is clean (wait till this time next year though). The waitress had a eunich-like dedication to creating a dining shangri-la for me. The sushi was near-orgasmic, and the selection was like nothing I've seen in months. This place single-handedly inspired me to revamp the buffet review section of this site. Just one more thing Yanks do better I guess... Or at least Chinese people who emmigrate to the northern US in hopes of landing a rewarding career in the service industry. |
| Family Buffet- Lynnhaven Parkway, Virginia Beach Price- $5.99 Lunch (drink free) |
|||||
| Ambience | Sushi | Crab Rangoon | Other Food | Waitress | Overall Rtg. |
| 4 Yao's |
|
|
|
|
|
| Probably had an unfair advantage, because it's brand new. Very clean, especially for a Chinese buffet. Has a large flat-screen TV in the lobby, with a video of some Chinese guy walking through a Chinese city, speaking Chinese. Just plain clean & nice! No funky smell. Will review again next year & I expect it to be dirty and in shambles. | Many varieties of sushi, including the one that's half a shrimp strapped to a chunk of rice. There was a separate buffet area, just for sushi. There were several, very Asian chefs constantly replenishing the sushi supply. They wore cool hats. Plus, a few different sauces, including a hot sauce which I couldn't identify. It had Chinese writing on the bottle. So authentic! | Flaky but firm. Generous helping of crab and cream cheese inside. Fresh tasting. Possibly the best I've ever had. I was eating at noon, which is the buffet's busiest time, but the Rangoon kept coming, never coming close to being out. | General Tso's Chicken especially good. They had sherbet for desert, which earned them big points. All food was fresh and they never ran out of anything. They had peel and eat shrimp, which I didn't try, cause they had the little poop-veins. Donuts on the buffet. Why do they all have donuts on the buffet? I'm not complaining, but I've always thought that was weird. | Above average attractiveness, but no Lucy Liu. She spoke a brand of understandable but broken English, which was cute and appropriate, occasionally leaving out auxiliary verbs. Got my refill quickly. She took my debit card at the table, rather than making me waddle to the register myself. Nice touch. | This was the grand opening for the Family Buffet. They used to be across Lynnhaven Pkwy, not too far from the Salvation Army store. The buffet sucked then, but I gave them another try. The place is clean and the food is tasty and fresh! They had whole crabs on the buffet, but no special tools to bust them open. I ended up with a 1/4 inch gash on my finger, which bled profusely. The crabs were very spicy, which added to the pain I experienced. I was wearing my Jerome Bettis jersey (a day after he sat out the Houston game) and a guy came up to me and said, "So that's why you're not playing, Bus. You're at the buffet." This made me feel special inside. All in all, the Family Buffet is the best Chinese buffet I've tried in Hampton Roads. |
| Formosa Restaurant & Mongolian Buffet- Virginia
Beach Blvd, Virginia Beach Price- $5.95 Lunch |
 |
||||
| Ambience | Sushi | Crab Rangoon | Other Food | Waitress | Overall Rtg. |
| 2 Yao's |
|
|
|
|
|
| Mostly clean. A somewhat unhealthy smell near the food. The people seem kind of depressed. I was waiting for a dishwasher to sneak out from the back and ask me to smuggle him to freedom. | Only the basics, the "California Rolls" you can find anywhere. They were a little on the dry side. The hot sauce was very hot. Almost suspiciously hot, actually. | Somewhat overcooked on the outside and slightly mushy on the inside. Not too bad, but I've had better. I think they were probably sitting there for a while. | Pretty decent chicken & vegetables. The pepper steak is pretty good too. They had broiled salmon, which was a little dry, but tasty. | I had a very cute waitress wearing tight black pants. She was pretty friendly and gave off the "I'm a shy newcomer from a far away land, who doesn't understand your customs" vibe. Timely drink refills. | If I'm in the area at
lunch time, I'll stop by again if I'm hungry. Nothing to brag about, but as a rule,
even a bad Chinese buffet is a good bet. I did get a little sick feeling the last couple of times I ate there, and had an unpleasant poop less than 30 minutes after my meal, but I suppose that's just my body adjusting to the extra 5,000 calories I forced it to consume, along with what's probably some msg. I dropped my business card into a fish bowl to win a free meal. The following week I got a phone call from some investments guy, offering to buy me lunch if I sat through his presentation. I don't have any money to invest, and prefer to eat alone, so I didn't show up for my free lunch. |
| DW's GRILL & Mongolian BBQ- Laskin Road, Virginia
Beach Price- $5.99 Lunch (1 bowl) or $7.99 (all u can eat) |
 |
||||
| Ambience | Sushi | Crab Rangoon | Other Food | Waitress | Overall Rtg. |
| 3 Yao's |
|
|
|
|
|
| Clean and pretty new-looking. Nothing too fancy and actually not especially Asian | I saw a plate that had
2 less-than- impressive California rolls. What the hell? I didn't even try it. |
No crab rangoon!
What in the name of Ichiro Suzuki* do they think they're getting away with? Granted, this
isn't actually a "buffet," in the traditional sense of the word, but the rangoon
is a basic element in a pleasant dining experience.
*I know- Ichiro's Japanese |
Once I got past the items they didn't have, I was pretty thrilled with what I actually got to eat. I loaded up a bowl with a bunch of fresh (For Nov. 30) veggies and trout! Mmmm... fishy. They cooked up my 8 lbs of food in 45 seconds-- salmanellicious! Also had the option of beef, chicken, or lamb, but I was full after one bowl. Soup, rice, and some kind of unleavened-pita-type bread came with it, all pretty good. | I swear I saw her before, on an episode of Law & Order SVU. She was being held captive and forced to serve egg fu yung to naked American businessmen. Kind of attractive, but horrific English. She asked me what kind of soup I wanted, and after I made her repeat the list four times, I settled on the hot 'n' spicy soup, which was the only one I could understand. | Maybe I'm being unfair, since this isn't technically a Chinese buffet. The name is "DW's," which hopefully stands for Daihatsu Wasiegawa or something like that. Acutally I think there's a white guy in their TV commercial- and white guys don't make me want to eat. Don't get me wong (ha!), I'll go back before too long, but I'll adjust my expectations. |
| Asia Garden Buffet- Laskin Road, Virginia Beach Price- $5.50 (all day-weekdays) |
|
||||
| Ambience | Sushi | Crab Rangoon | Other Food | Waitress | Overall Rtg. |
 1/2 Yao |
|
|
|
|
|
| If you've worked in a restaurant, you might be familar with the smell. When a disgruntled former employee has hidden food trash behind a fryer, or in the weeds by the dumpster. This unsavory smell (although not as powerful) permeates the dining area. There is a 16x20 framed pic of a cat in the dining room as well. Given the legend of the relationship between Chinese restaurants and our feline friends, I thought this was a poor decorating decision. A quick search of the health dept. website may shed some light on the smell. | The basic California rolls, plus a few extras, but nothing amazing. Since my previous trip, they added hot sauce, which is good, because I was getting weary of using coctail sauce on sushi. | Decent but unimpressive. I've been there when it's fresh(ish) and it's quite good. I was there between lunch and dinner, so I got the tweener stuff this time. It stopped short of foul, but it was definitly nothing to write home about. | The baked salmon is
worth the trip in itself. For $5.50, I routinely eat $137 worth of salmon.
For roughly twenty years, I didn't think I liked salmon, but it turns out I do.
Thank you, Asia Garden Buffet. The General Tso's chicken tastes good, but almost immediately makes me feel ill. Not ill enough to consider it a lesson-learned, but I'm definitely less healthy after a plate or two. They have another dish I've never encountered anywhere else. I believe it's breaded (sweet & sour-type) chicken nubs, smothered in mayonaise. I ate about a half-plate to come to this conclusion. In retrospect, the knowledge gained was not worth the toll it took on my body. Steamed shrimp is available, but not especially worthwhile. I think they overcook it, because it's kind of chewy. I guess it's better to err on the side of caution when cooking seafood in this type of environment, where there is likely to be many airborne ilnesses. |
There's one girl, who I think literally lives there. She looks like she's abotut 8 years old, so she's probably 17. She yells in Chinese into the phone a lot. She seated me and turned me over to a dude who looks like he spends his free time smoking pot with a subpar emo band. He's unshaven, soft spoken and has highlights in his hair. He refilled my Sprite once and then disappeared. | Just not a good place. When I used to swim at the YMCA every morning, I'd stop by on my way home for some salmon. I let my Y membership lapse, and without the hunger swimming provides, I realized that my money is better spent somewhere with a less likelihood of landing hooked up to a stomach pump. I went there the better part of a week ago, and as I type this, I'm feeling a little queasy. |
| Hong Kong Super Buffet- E Little Creek Rd, Norfolk Price- $5.95 Lunch |
 |
||||
| Ambience | Sushi | Crab Rangoon | Other Food | Waitress | Overall Rtg. |
1/2 Yao |
|
|
|
|
|
| Besides me, there was only one other person in there- a Mexican guy, trying to converse with a Chinese waitress. There was a bit of a language barrier. I'm pretty sure he was complaining about something- there were plenty of choices for someone who wants to complain. I went to the mens' room to wash my hands and ended up feeling dirtier than when I'd begun. I'm shocked I didn't see any hypodermic needles. No paper towels, just a half roll of brownish toilet paper in the sink. Smelly too. The dining room music featured what I'm almost certain was a Chinese rendition of "She's Like The Wind" (Patrick Swayze from 'Dirty Dancing.') Not appetizing. | No sushi. Jerks. | Pretty good, actually. More cream cheese than most, and fairly flaky. Easily the highlight of the buffet. | Having broiled salmon is always a point-getter, except when it's this bad. There was one chunk, roughly the size of half a human heart. I ate half of it. It was chewy. Chewy is not a good quality in salmon. The ends were leathery too, but not leathery enough to make a nice pair of work boots, or at least it would serve some purpose. General Tso must be rolling over in his grave at the sight of the chicken that bares his name. Half the stuff was cold too. I'm sure there's some sort of a heating unit underneath the buffet... Maybe the mouse that powers theirs' was on a smoke break. The steamed shrimp looked like old ladies' toes. I didn't try them. They were too crusty. They did have fortune cookies on the buffet (rather than having one brought to you with your check) so I took advantage and walked out with six of those Asiatic bad boys. I always have fortune cookies in my car. Next time you see me, ask me for one. | Tiny and cute. She got me my Sprite and then ignored me for an hour. Didn't bring me a check either. I went to the counter when I was done. If she'd asked me how everything was (she didn't) I was prepared to say "atrocious," guessing that she didn't know what the word meant and would think it was a compliment. Unfortunately, the opportunity didn't present itself and I'll have to save that smartass comment for another time. | Pretty bad. Then
again, look at the sign above. Looks like a front for the Chinese mafia. Not surprisingly, the Norfolk Health Dept has had some issues with them in the past. |
| No. 1 Buffet- Hilltop Shopping Ctr., Virginia Beach Price- $5.25 (All Day) |
 |
||||
| Ambience | Sushi | Crab Rangoon | Other Food | Waitress | Overall Rtg. |
| 2 1/2 Yao |
|
|
|
|
|
| Kinda reminds you of a mid-range truck stop that happens to be packed with Asians. They post photocopies of bad checks customers have written, by the register, along with a list of credit cards they don't accept. Not especially welcoming, but I did manage to write down a bank account number from one of the checks and steal somebody's identity. Lots of especially fat people present, which maybe bodes well for the quality of food. | The basics. Not bad, with a couple different sauces | Decent effort, but mostly overcooked. Fair amount of cream cheese, and you can actually taste the crab (or "non-crab seafood product"). | Entirely too much
"American" food. If I want an overcooked chicken wing, I'll go to
Hooters, thank you. Shrimp & Veggie stir fry contained tiny, chewy shrimp. If you're going to cut down a pre-pubescent sea creature in the prime of life, at least do something worthwhile with it. |
It was a dude. Who needs a dude? | Conveniently located between K-Mart and the thrift store, this place gets a high class clientele, like you might expect. You leave there after a meal, and you don't really feel any luckier than the homeless people gathered outside. But hey, it's only $5.25 |
